Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
