it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
