Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
