I think I won the penis lottery.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
