Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
