I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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