So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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