Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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