Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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