couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
