Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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