You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize