so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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