The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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