Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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