Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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