yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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