That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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