Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize