I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize