You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're too hungover to prance.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize