She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
