there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
