ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
