I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
