Slut skills are useful in every country.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
