the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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