I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
