1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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