It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
