Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
