they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
