I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
