Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
