She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
