im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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