Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
