No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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