Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I need moral support for this bender
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
