yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
