Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
