Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
