I heard we made out
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
