Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
