dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
