wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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