he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
