Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
