dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
