I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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