People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
