I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How's work?
Spinning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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