Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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