Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
