She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
