Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
