dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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