Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
