Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
