capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
