Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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