Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
