Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
