wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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