Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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