just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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