I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
