And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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