he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
