Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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