do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
