i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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