He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize