I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
