One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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