Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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