but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
