The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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