so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
