Got a toothbrush?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
