drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
