i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
