I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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